Soul Searching
by Lucy6
Summary: Things are looking up for Buffy and Angel, but life's no picnic... Part 2 of the Shattered Souls Trilogy
1. Default Chapter

Soul Searching  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, etc, as they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and everyone else who can legally lay claim to them. I am making no money from this whatsoever, and don't have much anyway, so suing would gain pretty much nothing. Summary: Someone wants to punish Angel through Buffy. Rating: 15, but with hints of rape. If you're sensitive to this, e-mail me. I'll send you a version that doesn't mention it. Also omitted will be the last paragraph - this leads into the next story, which deals much more heavily with issues of rape and can't have everything deleted without drastically changing the plot. Sorry. Author's Note: Set during Season 3 of BtVS. The second part of the Shattered Souls trilogy. Also, I know Angel had his soul before the 2nd World War. But for the purpose of this story - it's a time I can write more accurately about, so I really don't care. Oh, and if you're wondering about the significance of a golden aura, you create it when you want to meet your Guardian Angel for advice. It doesn't occur otherwise, but I thought it was fitting. And yes, Anya and Xander are together a little ahead of time. Deal with it. Spoilers: 'Killed by Death'. Distribution: Just let me know where it's going. Feedback: Do I have to beg? lucy.harris9@btinternet.com  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Willow paced nervously outside Buffy's hospital room. She wanted to talk to Angel about it first. Admittedly, it was dangerous, but she had a feeling Buffy and Angel would go for it.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
"I'll be back, tonight, okay? They reckon you'll be allowed to come home tomorrow, so I'll be you then as well." Angel leaned over and kissed Buffy's forehead. "See you soon."  
  
"'Bye."  
  
And Angel was forced by the rising sun to back regretfully out of the room.  
  
* * * * * * "Angel!" Willow bounded up to him and said simply, excitedly, "I have something to tell you."  
  
"Sure. I have to get home now, but we can talk tonight."  
  
"No! It's been long enough! Besides, I want to talk away from Buffy."  
  
"It involves Buffy?"  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
"Come by the mansion when it's light. We can talk then." With that, Angel turned and left Sunnydale District Hospital, wondering what could be so important. and so desperate.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Buffy ran from the demon, as she had fled from that guy at her cousin's Halloween party all those years ago. before Celia had died. 'That guy' had, of course, been nothing to fear, and she had been surprised rather than scared, just as she was now. She felt no fear when she realised she couldn't get away, nor even when it reached down to snap her neck. She felt nothing inside. Despite her cries of agony, she felt nothing - not even her love for Angel pierced the wall blocking her mind from her soul.  
  
Buffy's eyes flew open, and the girl stared up at the yellow ceiling of the hospital. Drenched in a cold sweat, she lay quaking until the nurse came in the next morning.  
  
* * * * * * "It's a spell, an' it'll bind your soul to you, so the curse won't apply. But."  
  
"But what, Willow?"  
  
"It kinda requires some weird things."  
  
"You think you might not be able to get them?"  
  
"No. You just won't like them. See, the spell will only work if you don't have a soul, and then there's this thing where."  
  
Angel's entire being dreaded what was coming next. He realised now that Buffy might be involved in more than just their relationship, at least as far as this was concerned.  
  
"Where?" he prompted hesitantly.  
  
"Where you have to drink the love of a loved one. Or, specifically, 3 pints of your true love's blood. As in, 3 pints of Buffy's blood. When Angelus is in control."  
  
"No!" Angel gasped. "I won't risk her life like that! I wouldn't stop, she'd end up dead if she was lucky!"  
  
Willow studied Angel's determined face before responding.  
  
"Firstly, it wouldn't be you who tried to kill Buffy. Secondly, I thought you'd say that, so I looked for something to help. I found another spell, but this one will separate you body from Buffy's until the other spell is complete. If it looks like he's taking too much, I'll just do that."  
  
"Look, I'll talk to Buffy about it, okay? But I'm not promising anything."  
  
Willow nodded her agreement, praying quietly that they'd agree. It would break Buffy's heart if Angel told her he wouldn't do it. 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Angel stepped silently inside the sterile hospital room. His sweeping glance took in Buffy's entrancing form as she slept. Hesitantly, Angel lowered himself into the chair beside the bed, wondering how to tell her.  
  
Stroking Buffy's golden hair, he gazed lovingly at her chest as it rose and fell with each breath she took, and wondered briefly what breathing actually felt like. Years of not needing oxygen had led him to give up the pretence of breathing - except to speak - and could not remember the subtlety of that constant movement.  
  
When he'd first given up inhaling or exhaling, it had surprised Angel every time someone failed to notice that his heart didn't beat or that his lungs didn't need filling with air. Lost in memories of days when the flaws in human observation were still knew to him, Angel's hand lost motion and his body became almost inert.  
  
"Mmm," Buffy moaned, stirring and jolting Angel's hand back to life.  
  
"Hush, honey. It'll be okay."  
  
As Buffy's eyes blinked open, Angel only had to glimpse the terror in them to know it was very real. Worried, he frowned.  
  
"What is it?" Buffy queried. "What's wrong?"  
  
"You're scared," he answered simply. "Why are you so scared?"  
  
"It's nothing." Buffy looked away.  
  
"No, it's not. Buffy, please. At least tell me if there's some way I can help?"  
  
Buffy didn't respond, so Angel touched her far cheek compassionately and tried to turn her face towards him. She stubbornly refused to move; Angel's hand retreated moist. The owner of that hand studied the girl dejectedly and vowed to find the cause of her tears.  
  
Sniffing, Buffy murmured,  
  
"Angel?"  
  
His head shot up.  
  
"Hmm?"  
  
"Have you got a tissue?"  
  
Smiling wanly, he pulled a crumpled tissue from his pocket and placed it in her open hand. She grasped his fingers, squeezing them softly to reassure him that she was alright, then took the tissue and dried her eyes. Pale and quivering, she finally succumbed to his attempts to see her face.  
  
Even though he'd been expecting it, Angel gasped involuntarily at the fear he saw in the eyes of Buffy's tear-streaked face. Before his mind registered it, however, a protective instinct kicked in, and Angel drew her into a cocooned embrace, almost tugging the needle passing blood into her body from its vein.  
  
"Shh," he whispered tenderly, as the Slayer once more began to sob. "It's okay. It's okay."  
  
Eventually, Buffy fell asleep in her Angel's arms. Kissing her hair, Angel lovingly placed her back on the bed and was left to wonder what in the hospital had made the Slayer - the one girl with not only the strength and skill, but also the courage, to fight the forces of evil - so utterly petrified. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Drusilla's still out there, Giles! What if she wants revenge? We can't protect Buffy, not while she's in hospital! D'you know how hard it was to convince them to let Angel see Buffy? They're not gonna let any of us stay with her. At best they'll get the police in, and we both know that won't help!" 

"Calm down, Willow!" Giles ordered. "Nothing will happen to Buffy, especially if you worry Angel. And that's all you'll gain from panicking about this, Willow. A worried vampire looking out for Buffy when he doesn't need any more stress!" With that, the clearly upset librarian dismissed Buffy's friends and returned to his job at Sunnydale High.

                 *                             *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              

Did he want to do this? To put Buffy in danger so that he was free of his fear of true happiness? Wasn't he supposed to suffer? And wasn't her life more important than any single moment of pure bliss? God, could he do this to her? Should he do this to her? Angel knew Buffy would want him to, that she wouldn't care about the risks, and he didn't think he could let her agree to it. i I can't let her risk her life like that! She'd come too close to death too many times; next time she might not be so lucky. i/

                *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              *

Willow searched the newspaper for any deaths that resembled something Drusilla might do. Giles may not care about the vampiress, but she certainly did! Her eyes nearly missed the article.

i 23 teens and the driver of the bus they were on were found dead earlier today. Several had their eyes gorged out and all but the driver appeared to have been stabbed in the neck with a barbecue fork. The driver's neck was broken. As there was no RTA, the police are confused but say they have the matter under control, issuing this statement;

"We believe that this is a single occurrence, and do not expect another incident like this. We are working to find the perpetrator, and encourage the public to come forward with any information which may help." i/

Willow dropped the article and left the house.

                *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              

Celia screamed. Her head shook from side to side, her entire body tensed as she struggled hopelessly to escape.

A six-year old Buffy simply stood there, staring in horror.

                *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              *              

Angel sat gazing tenderly at the still, silent blonde in front of him. His face was drawn into a heavy frown; Buffy was inoti/ happy.

                 *                             *                              *                              *                              *                              *              

i No! No! i/ the six-year-old whimpered as her cousin's form fell limply to the hospital bed. i No! i/

                *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              *

Willow pounded on the door before noticing the note that sat half in, half out of the letterbox. She snatched it up and ripped it open, quaking from nerves only heightened by the letter being addressed to the 'Scoobies'. Giles never called them that!

i Oh, God, Giles, why are you acting so weird lately?i/

                 *                             *                              *                              *                              *                              *              

Giles walked calmly into the cave where they'd found Buffy, bowing to gracefully placing a kiss on the back of Drusilla's hand. When he stood at full height once more, he fixed his eyes on the floor and waited to be addressed.

"Where is she?" the vampiress asked quietly, despair from losing Spike leaking into her words, and apparently her visions as well.

"Sunnydale District Hospital, Ma'am. They only had plans to keep her in until tomorrow, but I talked them into keeping her longer. She'll be there for the next week or so."

"Good," she murmured, smiling. She rose her voice as if addressing an army. "You may go." 

                *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              *                              

Celia was dead. She'd been killed right there in front of her six-year-old cousin. Though Buffy hadn't known it at the time – she still didn't know – she had killed her cousin's killer when she was 17. Not that knowing would have made reliving her cousin's hospital death any easier.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
Angel's heart shattered when Buffy's violent thrashing finally stopped, as suddenly as a resonating finger-click in a dark room.  
  
His eyes darted up and down the stiff body; his soul screamed in terror. He'd killed her.  
  
Buffy's eyelids whooshed upwards and she drew a shaky breath. Only then did Angel realise that his panic had blinded him to the sounds of her shallow breath.  
  
"Angel," she murmured, tears filling her eyes. Her voice was filled with an intense desperation Angel had only heard once before.  
  
i Poland, 1942 i  
  
"No! NO! Not my children! Please, anything but that!" Balweena Delinsky wailed.  
  
She'd helped a Jew. She'd given her fellow human being a house and food when his mother had been killed. That was all. But they'd found her. The Nazis had discovered her secret, and now her children had to pay the price. Balweena could think of nothing worse.  
  
Angelus watched from his position in the shadows nearby. There it was; that look of utter fear and desperation. He grinned at the tears of Hellish anguish rolling down the old woman's cheeks for a moment before pulling his face into a sombre expression and marching out.  
  
"I'll deal with 'er. You take the kids," he grunted, restraining Balweena by wrapping his arms intimately around her belly. "Don't worry, hon," the vampire whispered into the mother's ear. "Give me what I want and I might just let you break free." He tossed her to the muddy ground and straddled her body.  
  
"Do what you wan to me," the woman commanded. "You have already condemned my children. For that you will pay." Her hazel eyes flashed a dull pink. "Your beloved, your one true love, will suffer because of this. because of you. You may not care now. But you will."  
  
Balweena's eyes flashed again, this time a blinding white. Angelus was forced to shut his eyes against it.  
  
When he opened them, he let out a vicious roar of fury. Without him even knowing it, she had gone.  
  
i Present day i  
  
"Hush, honey," Angel murmured, pulling Buffy close. "It'll be okay." He kissed her hair briefly, never ceasing to hug his beloved to him.  
  
"It's all my fault. I could've stopped it, Angel, I know it. I should've. But I just stood there, like it didn't matter. I was there, Angel, and I could've done something. It didn't have to be like this, Angel! She didn't have to die!" With that, Buffy was reduced to a sobbing heap once more.  
  
* * * * * * "She kept moaning that he was going to be happy, that her Angel would return, Giles! We all know what that means! I've talked to Angel; I can stop him losing his soul. But I'm scared I'm not seeing the big picture. What if it's not Buffy that gives Angel a happy? What if we're already too late? Or we get there too late?" Willow rambled, panicking. "Or she wasn't even talking about Angel? I mean, where do we start then? Or"  
  
"Willow," Giles intercepted. "Calm down. Angel would not allow that to happen. I do believe, however, that the sooner you can help, the better. This situation is getting rather. difficult for the two of them. It's so harsh, that they're so in love and yet forced apart by fate. We will help them. But we won't die trying; believe it or not, even that's not worth death."  
  
* * * * * * Crystal sat up with a gasp. Her grandmother's astral self had shown her what Angel had tried to do to her during the Second World War. Crystal may have been asleep, but she knew it had been more than a dream. It had been real. her mother would not lie.  
  
Something had to be done about it.  
  
* *  
* * *  
  
Balweena watched as the vampire pulled his trembling lover to him. She grinned at the sight of his feeble attempts to comfort the crying Slayer, safe in the knowledge that there would soon be too many things coming at the girl for reassurances to mean anything to her. 


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about the long wait between posts. There's been a lot going on in my life. If you want the next chapter soon, write a review. It makes me happy  
that you care enough to respond, even if you are critical.  
  
Chapter 5  
  
Crystal walked into Buffy's hospital room and stopped short. She blushed, embarrassed at having walked in on the tenderness of Angel's comforting murmurs to Buffy, before reminding herself why she was here. It was only fair that Buffy knew.  
  
"Buffy, could I. Uh, could I have a word? Erm, in private? There's, uh, something you should know."  
  
Buffy's reluctance for Angel to leave showed on her face, and Crystal knew Buffy wouldn't accept it without seeing Angel's reaction firsthand, so she carried on regardless of Angel's presence.  
  
"I really don't know how to say this, so. Oh, God, I can't! But. Buffy. Angel's. He's a rapist," she eventually whispered. At least she'd got that bit out of the way. Now there was just Buffy's reaction to deal with.  
  
"Firstly, was a rapist. Secondly, I know."  
  
Crystal blinked in surprise. "Wha- What?  
  
"Angel didn't always have a soul. His demon, Angelus, did many terrible things. None of them are Angel's fault, yet he bears the guilt of them. I've known this for ages. How did you find out, anyway?"  
  
The witch glanced at her shoes, then at Buffy, before deciding it would be easier to explain to Angel. Hesitantly, not quite ready to trust him, she turned to the vampire.  
  
"Do you remember a blonde-haired, brown-eyed woman form Poland in the Second World War? She looked a bit like me." Seeing his nod, Crystal continued. "You - Angelus - nearly raped her. Angelus nearly raped my mother." A deep sadness mingled with the terror in her eyes.  
  
The ensouled vampire lowered his gaze from her eyes in guilt. So much pain had been caused by him, by Angelus. how could he ever make up for trying to rape this woman's mother. How could you make up for something as terrible, as hideous and eternal, as rape? It never went away; it was always there. It could destroy faith and trust, and living.  
  
It was worse than any of the demons Buffy and Angel regularly faced. It could not be made up; it should not even be forgiven. And yet forgiveness was one thing Crystal was ready to give. Trust, that would take longer. But the time for forgiveness had arrived; was almost past.  
  
"Anyway, she showed me what you did," Crystal continued. "I think she's trying to punish you through Buffy, but I couldn't say how... I also think she gave the spell I did for Spike and Drusilla an extra power boost. That's why Buffy was hit by the pain so suddenly - it would normally be quite a gradual build-up."  
  
Buffy tentatively raised a hand.  
  
"Um, I think I know what your mother's trying to do."  
  
* * * * * * "You never told me this!" Angel exclaimed, hurt that his lover should keep something so important from him.  
  
"I know, I know!" Buffy answered, exasperated. "I just. I wasn't about to tell Angelus, was I? And by the time you'd come back, it didn't seem important, what with everything you'd been through!" She was breathless by the time her outburst had ended, and Buffy's pulse rate had rocketed.  
  
"Alright, shh, honey, it's alright," Angel soothed, desperate to steady the pounding of her heart before it exploded. "I know you would've told me if you'd thought to. I just worry, tha-"  
  
"You worry iso i much that you were going to leave me, that you believe I didn't even think to tell you? God, I nearly told Angelus all about it just because he looked like you!"  
  
"I didn't really think that, honey, please believe me," Angel begged, aware that, anywhere else, this would have continued for much longer, on both parts.  
  
Buffy sighed, the anger and frustration leaving her tired body.  
  
"I know," she said weakly. "I just."  
  
Angel smiled understandingly and brushed a stray strand of hair out of the corner of her mouth.  
  
"Don't worry about it. We'll stop these nightmares and get you out of here as soon as possible. I promise."  
  
* * * * * * Balweena saw what was happening, saw how her daughter cared for the vampire. and for his lover. She saw that her daughter hated what was happening, hated how Buffy was being punished for something that had happened so long ago. And Balweena knew that the price of vengeance was too high if Crystal hated it. So she did the only thing she knew of that would break the hex.  
  
Her eyes fixed on the image in the scrying bowl as she lifted a dagger from the wooden bench in front of her. As she lifted it to her throat, she noted the dark corners of the old-fashioned room she had lived in for the past 17 years; the evil appearance of the home that had never been home.  
  
Drusilla walked in on the witch just as the blade dropped to the ground. She reached to grab Balweena, but, with one harsh movement, the witch thrust a stake through the insane vampire's heart.  
  
The last thing Balweena saw was the dust cloud settle on her long, dark skirt. 


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry about the long gaps between posts. They'll shorten if you write a review, but otherwise it feels like nobody's reading this. Which could be the case, but. As a warning, I'll be taking Love Beyond Death down in Nov  
2003 to reformat it, but it should all be up again by New Year.  
Chapter 6  
  
Three days later, Buffy was curled up next to Angel on his couch, recalling long-forgotten memories she felt he should know about, when Angel was reminded of something himself and drifted off into a mental oblivion. Could what Willow had told him about really be possible? Could he really be with Buffy, wholly and completely? And how long would it last? Could he cope when she died?  
  
What if she didn't want it? What if she realised how little he could offer her? What if she left him? Angel didn't think he could deal with that.  
  
"Angel? Angel, are you okay?"  
  
"Huh?" he muttered, coming out of his deep thoughts gradually. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine."  
  
"The why do you have get-me-out-of-here face?" Buffy asked, concerned by Angel's vagueness.  
  
"I. Buffy. We need to talk."  
  
"Oh." Buffy's face fell as she realised what her vampire lover meant. "Of course. I understand." But she really didn't.  
  
"Willow told you?" Angel gasped, surprised. "You want it?"  
  
Buffy blinked several times. He wasn't breaking up with her, at least - so what was he talking about?  
  
"Want what?"  
  
"The spell. What else would I be talking about?"  
  
"I. I thought." Buffy hurled herself into Angel's arms, sobbing with relief.  
  
Shocked by his beloved's apparent fragility, and by her shattered outburst, Angel cradled the girl to his body and tenderly rubbed her back. Why had he started what he wanted to say like that? Why did he always have to hurt the girl he loved?  
  
"You thought I was." he murmured, tears welling in his eyes. Angel had to force himself to say the words, they were so awful to him. "You thought I was. breaking up with you?"  
  
Nodding against Angel's know-damp chest, Buffy tried to get even closer to the vampire. She wanted nothing more than to take comfort in his presence, in his love for her. Then she remembered why she'd thought Angel was breaking up with her in the first place.  
  
"So." Buffy mumbled against Angel's white t-shirt. "What did you actually want to talk about?"  
  
"Willow found a spell that could mean we wouldn't have to worry about the happiness clause." Angel's voice was low and intimate as he told Buffy of the spell that could make his dreams come true.  
  
Frowning, Buffy looked up.  
  
"What's the catch?"  
  
"How - Never mind. The catch is, well. I'd have to drink your blood, only I wouldn't be me because I can't have a soul when the new spell is cast, or it won't work."  
  
Buffy stared blankly at the ensouled vampire for a moment before realisation dawned upon her.  
  
"So Angelus would have to drink my blood." It was clearly a statement, but Angel answered as though it had been a question.  
  
"Yeah. I understand if you don't want to do it. I'm not even certain that iIi do. But, I know I want to be with you. I'm just not sure if I can hurt you that much to do it."  
  
"Angel. God, I love you!" Buffy sounded like she was going to cry.  
  
"Buffy?" Angel asked, alarmed. What's wrong?"  
  
"Nothing," she replied, tears of joy flowing around the contours of her mouth as it curled into a grin. "But we're getting Wills to do this spell." 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
"Okay," Willow breathed. "Angel, you sit on the bed. Buffy. you probably ought to stand over here, next to me, for now."  
  
Buffy and Angel shared a tender kiss before moving to their designated positions, serious gazes filling the spaces between each other.  
  
Willow sprinkled white rose petals and pink confetti around Buffy's feet in a heart shape, to signify that she was Angel's true love, before pointing her open palm at Angel.  
  
"iLet this ravaged creature be  
Part of love and gravity  
Let him rage and drink with joy  
To his true love's darling boy;  
Let him out and let him mock,  
Let the soul be now her rocki"  
  
A darting golden sparkle trailed like mist form Angel's mouth as his eyes glowed orange and he groaned in agony. The glittering aura wound its way around the room, finding Willow and almost flitting up her nose. But still, it couldn't seem to find what it was searching for.  
  
The starlit constellation whizzed around the room, flickering under the electric light. Eventually, it slowed, hovering near Buffy. It seemed to extend and grow, never thinning; merely encompassing Buffy's figure in a protective phosphorescence.  
  
"Wow," breathed Willow. Buffy looked so calm, even in the face of Angelus; bathed in a radiating shimmer, the Slayer appeared at peace for the first time since her 17th birthday, nearly a year and a half ago.  
  
"Does my lover even know I'm here?" It was quieter than Willow had expected, but then took on a more menacing tone that reminded Willow of the spell's intent. "Perhaps I should say 'hello'."  
  
"Maybe you should," came a strong voice form the shadowed corner. Buffy herself was surprised by how peaceful she felt. She was very aware of - and deeply comforted by - the protectiveness of Angel's golden soul as it expanded and enveloped her in its aura.  
  
Buffy stepped out of the shadows, taking Angel's soul with her as she tight- rope-walked towards Angelus.  
  
As she moved into range, the vampire leaped, grasping her head like a ball. Buffy could feel Angel's sheer terror that Angelus would simply rip her head off there and then, but forced herself to stay where she was.  
  
Willow's eyes were wide with shock at Buffy's calmness, and fear at Angelus' actions. What if the spell didn't have a chance to work? What if Angelus didn't drink Buffy's blood, but chose another way to murder her? What if he decided to torture her for months, until he made her as insane as Drusilla? All the flaws in the spell suddenly assaulted her thoughts in a vicious incursion, forcing her many fears to convulse between each other.  
  
What if she'd just killed her best friend? 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
Angel wrapped himself protectively around Buffy, his distress for his beloved temporarily overwhelming his surprise that his soul, his aura, was leaden with light.  
  
He knew what Angelus was likely to be contemplating. The demon would be pondering how to kill Buffy; should he snap her neck, or would turning her be better? Or should he slit her wrists and make her drink her own blood until she chocked on it? So many ways to kill. But which one would be the most prolonged, the most agonising?  
  
* * * * * * Angelus stared at the Slayer's pulsating artery, nearly drooling from the intoxicating scent of her rich, vibrant life-blood coursing through it. He'd give up his fangs for another chance like this.  
  
The Scourge of Europe lost all remnant of conscious thought and, without even morphing into the feral beast he was so proud of, plunged blunt teeth towards the huntress's neck, ripping at the tender flesh. A vulnerable red trickle leaked from the jagged wound.  
  
The savage beast laved at the Slayer's life force.  
  
* * * * * *  
  
Buffy shuddered as Angelus' s rough tongue grated over the slash in her neck. The coppery blood in his mouth must have sent him over the edge; his primal fangs shot down and stabbed her in the neck. Buffy whimpered in pain as the vampire sucked heavily, greedily gulping down her blood. She realised the only reason she was still standing in her dizzy weakness was because of Angelus' s strong grip on her wrists. As the vampire lost his mind in the haze of nutritious blood so long denied, he collapsed on top her, and the 18-year-old slid, barely conscious, to the floor.  
  
Angel knew now was the time to step in. He focused hard on Buffy's throat, doing his best to ignore the relief of not hungering for a taste of her sweet, potent blood. He directed as much energy as he could towards the delicate area Angelus was still feasting on, determined to push his alter- ego away from Buffy.  
  
A powerful surge of shimmering, protective light bolted from other areas of Buffy's body, but the golden aura surrounding it never thinned. The emanating source of blinding, ice-blue energy smothered the wounds in Buffy's neck like a solid plaster, forcing Angelus' s fangs away.  
  
Angel concentrated on pushing the vampire away from his beloved, using every ounce of energy he could draw from his aura. He just hoped Willow completed the spell before he could find no more energy to draw on.  
  
* * * * * * Willow read the final words off the page exactly as the glowing light at Buffy's throat dissolved. As the glistening mist that was Angel's soul darted back to his body, Angelus roared in agony, trapped again; only now for all of time.  
  
Weak and trembling, Angel collapsed to the ground. He dragged himself towards Buffy, crawling over the carpet on his hands and knees and not hearing Willow's voice asking how he was. His cold fingers tentatively felt Buffy's neck for a pulse; Angel could have fainted when he found one, the relief was so great. Tenderly, he crossed his legs and lifted his beloved's head into his lap. One hand stroked the silken skin of her face while the other played, childlike, with her lustrous hair.  
  
Willow, sensing that she was intruding on a private moment, crept from the room, pleased with the end results of her spell. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
Angel blinked twice before focusing on the goddess beside him. Her lips were swollen from his kisses and her face was still slightly flushed from their antics the previous night. He sighed, brushing a strand of blonde hair from her peaceful face.  
  
Smiling lightly, Buffy opened her eyes and stretched languidly.  
  
"I love this," she murmured. "Waking up with you. It's so calm, like I can just be me and not worry about the rest of the world's problems."  
  
"I know, beloved," Angel responded. Placing a light kiss on her lips. "And you know you never have to be anything you aren't. Not for anyone." With that, he rolled away and got out if the bed. Without pausing to dress, he wandered through to the next room and disappeared from Buffy's sight.  
  
Moments later, Angel returned carrying a small photo album.  
  
"I hope you don't mind. I never had many pictures of you, so, when I. I kinda took a few. You can have them back, if you want them," he explained, holding the album out to Buffy. "I just wanted something solid to remember you by."  
  
Buffy simply smiled, pulling Angel down beside her as she took the album. Gingerly, she opened it.  
  
"I'm guessing you never quite understood some of the pictures, huh?" she murmured.  
  
"You could say that," Angel agreed.  
  
"Well, seeing as you managed to get hold of some of the most embarrassing ones, I'm not surprised. See, that girl there? That's Celia, the cousin I was telling you about before the Willow did the spell for you soul. And I apparently would have loved this Slayer gig when I was 6, because this particular pic. shows me rescuing her from a cave-in of pillows."  
  
At her blunt description, Angel laughed. Something about Buffy's tone told him she'd be mad if she knew it was her mum who'd given him the photographs - not that he could blame her - and that she was letting him off lightly only because she was in a good mood. And because he hadn't yet reminded her that it was her birthday.  
  
Angel smiled as Buffy hastily tried to cover up an image of her 11-month- old self being washed, and stilled her hand on the page. Touching her was all it took for his resolve not to remind her what day it was to shatter.  
  
"Happy Birthday, love." He wasn't even aware he'd said it until her eyes widened and she pulled away from him slightly. "Hey," he protested, pulled her back into his embrace and placing a loving kiss on her hair. "We'll make this one good, I promise." 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
Buffy plastered a false smile on her face as her friends piled presents in front of her. It wasn't that she didn't want them. She just didn't want them today. Birthdays were never good.  
  
At the encouragement of those around her, Buffy reluctantly lifted a present and began to unwrap it.  
  
"That's mine," Xander interjected as the jolly paper fell to the floor unnoticed. Buffy glanced up at him with a small smile and lifted the gift for the others to see. It was a simple silver bracelet, not unlike the one he'd given her before she and Angel's relationship had become serious. But the inscription was different: i So you're Angel's alwaysi. Reading it, Buffy smiled a little more.  
  
"Thanks, Xand," she replied, slipping it on. She'd let Angel know what the inscription meant later, but Buffy sensed Xander wasn't all that keen for the rest of the group to know what it said. Accepting the apology, she moved on to Anya's present; Xander had refused to give it to her with Anya and, as she tossed the paper aside, Buffy knew why.  
  
It was a simple present, but not something anyone would expect. Well, except maybe from Anya.  
  
"You know, I don't really need these, considering Angel can't, y'know, and all."  
  
"Well, I figured, this way you can have sex with many men, and not have to worry about the consequences," Anya explained, proud that she'd done something to show she cared. Buffy simply nodded once, slowly, and rested the pack of multi-coloured condoms on the carpet.  
  
"Here," Willow said, handing a pale pink package to the blonde Slayer. Buffy took it silently, more cheerful than she had been earlier, but still apprehensive. Turning it over, Buffy peeled back the paper to reveal a silk pouch. At Willow's encouragement, she opened the black pouch and emptied its contents on to the floor.  
  
"It's a set of healing crystals," Willow explained. "See, the different stones help regulate and balance your body, making it easier for your immune system to function. Plus, they each have different properties; clear quartz - that's the clear, wand-shaped one - is for clarity. Depending who you ask, it varies slightly, but I think it can help guard against betrayal. although that might be amethyst - the purple one - or agate - the blue one. Or another one altogether. There's a leaflet you can get that lists the most common. All the stones have unique powers. I just figured it might help with Slaying and getting all bruised and battered."  
  
Buffy smiled genuinely for the first time that morning. "Thanks, Will."  
  
"Here," Cordelia said, handing Buffy a package enclosed in Tiffany's paper. Tenderly, Buffy removed the gift and blinked.  
  
"Cordy."  
  
"What? You've gotta have something nice enough to use it with!" Cordelia complained.  
  
"It's not that. It's just. I know pink's in fashion an' all, but blood red? And the bright pink flower thing? Not exactly me. But, thanks, anyway."  
  
"Hey! That's a one-of-a-kind original! Plus I had to pay for the paper, since I didn't buy anything for the shop to gift-wrap!"  
  
"I don't know," Angel murmured form the shadows. "I think blood red could be a nice colour for you."  
  
Buffy abandoned the purse on the floor and ignored Angel's comment, moving swiftly on to the next gift and praying it would be less embarrassing.  
  
As it turned out, the rest of the gifts were fairly average, with chocolate and money being a very pleasing part of the day for the Slayer. For Angel's present, however, she'd been told she'd have to wait.  
  
Buffy passed the day warily, but laughed until her sides ached and she couldn't breathe. When night fell and Angel took her aside, the laughter continued in the next room.  
  
Angel cupped Buffy's face gently and gave her a hint of a kiss that was so light Buffy wasn't sure it was real. His fingers stroked her face and gently pushed her eyelids down. When she opened her eyes again, Buffy was smiling and peaceful, all worries melting under Angel's intense gaze.  
  
"You want your present yet?" he whispered, stroking her ear with his thumb. Slowly, wrapped in a bubble of bliss, the girl nodded. With one deft movement, Angel scooped her into his arms and silently left the house.  
  
He carried her back to his mansion, talking quietly to her all the way, continuously striving to stop her thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Angel was determined that Buffy would be happy on her birthday. 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
Angel seated Buffy on his bed, moving away to fetch a small, wrapped gift.  
  
"I - I hope it's okay," he half-whispered. "I - I wasn't sure if. I don't want you to be offended, it's just-"  
  
"Angel, why're you so nervous?" Buffy asked, suspiciously. He didn't respond, but handed her the flat, rectangular package. With shaking hands, Buffy untied the silver ribbon that sealed it and smoothed the simple lilac paper, unfolding it to reveal a framed, charcoal picture.  
  
She had to blink rapidly to stop the tears falling.  
  
"You realise I can never show this to anyone, right?" she joked, touched more deeply than should have been possible. It was so beautiful!  
  
"I should've known you'd hate it," Angel groaned, hanging his head in embarrassment. "I'm sorry. I can get you something else, it doesn't matter."  
  
Startled, Buffy stared at his retreating back as he stood and moved to leave the room. "Angel, no! God, how could you ever think this would offend me? Why on Earth would I hate it? I've never been given anything this wonderful in my life. God, you make me look amazing!"  
  
"Really?" Angel murmured, disbelieving. As an afterthought, he muttered, "You are amazing."  
  
"Really. Oh, Angel, it's fantastic," she asserted, the tears finally slipping free.  
  
"Hey," Angel complained, closing the distance between them in two quick strides and wiping away her tears with the pads of his thumbs, "No tears tonight, baby. Not on your birthday."  
  
"Make me look like that, Angel," she pleaded, tugging him to her and leaning back on the bed.  
  
Angel's charcoal rendition of Buffy in the throes of ecstasy was abandoned on the bedside table as he set about bringing her to her first orgasm of the night.  
  
Rain shrouded the lovers in a fine mist as the weather mirrored that of Buffy's 17th birthday.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Mmm," Buffy breathed as she stirred the next morning, her hand pushing her hair out of her face. Blinking, she slowly allowed the real world to penetrate the bliss of sleep, only to feel a slight tickling sensation on her belly.  
  
"Morning, love," the dark-haired vampire next to her whispered, replacing his trailing fingers with his lips. Buffy only smiled in return.  
  
Angel sat up beside her, gently taking her hand in his own. "What's wrong, baby?"  
  
Buffy took her time answering. It was stupid; he'd already told her the night before. But that wasn't enough. She needed confirmation.  
  
She shook her head. "It's nothing."  
  
"Buffy?" Angel tilted her head back, so that his head appeared in her field of view. Uncomfortable with her head nearly hanging over the far edge of the pillow - and on the verge of hitting the headboard - the Slayer pulled away, sitting cross-legged and turning to face the vampire. Her hands played nervously with the corner of the pillowcase, which had begun to slip off the pillow.  
  
"It's nothing," she repeated firmly, even as her brain screamed at her to just tell him, let him laugh at her and get it over with. He wasn't the sort of person to hold it against her.  
  
Sighing quietly, Angel nodded his acceptance. From the creeping blush of her cheeks, he was fairly certain he knew what was bothering his girlfriend.  
  
"Well, I mean, it's not nothing, exactly. It's just not that important, really and I don't want to spoil this moment and-"  
  
"Buffy." Angel cut off her babble with one simple word. Her eyes locked with his as she fell silent, expecting more pressure and questioning. "You were wonderful last night. And even if you weren't, it'd have been because you're not some kind of slut. You'd get better with time."  
  
"Oh," was the only response Buffy could force her mind to form. He didn't think she was awful in bed!  
  
A grin began to form on her face as the cobwebs of the morning dissolved from her brain. "Well, being as it took so long for us to clear that one up, why don't we. celebrate."  
  
* * * * * Buffy grinned as she swallowed the last mouthful of her toast and watched silently as Angel lifted her plate from the table and took it to the sink. She felt as though she were floating. Her birthday hadn't been the disaster she'd thought it would be and she had a boyfriend who not only loved her but could cook as well. Things couldn't be better.  
  
"So, that breakfast was to celebrate my birthday going well?" she clarified. Angel nodded, a half smile alighting on his sculpted face. "So, what're we doing to celebrate finally clearing up that I'm not awful in bed after two years? 'Cause, that's pretty much a big issue that's been left unresolved for way too long."  
  
"True," Angel replied, pretending for a moment to be deep in thought. He knew exactly what they were going to do to celebrate. "I was thinking, maybe we could go out to dinner somewhere. If you want." Despite the depth of their involvement, Angel still found that asking Buffy out made him nervous. but then, they'd only ever had a few dates. Some part of him was still sure she'd say no, that she would realise what she would be giving up if she stayed with him. Only time would make that feeling dissipate.  
  
"So where are we going and how long will I need to get ready?" 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
Buffy pulled her hair into an elegant French twist with a few strands dangling to frame the right-hand side of her face. The flowing, deep red gown she wore accented her slender waist and stopped just high enough to show off her red, high-heeled sandals. A thin silver chain now held the cross Angel had given her in the alley when they'd just met, glittering next to the thin straps of the dress and following the V-shaped neck down to the gentle rise of her breasts. Minimal make-up and a delicate ankle bracelet with silver teardrops placed strategically around it finished the look. Buffy glanced up as Angel entered the room to tell her it was time to go.  
  
"Wow," he breathed. "Buffy, you look. wow."  
  
Buffy giggled. "Thanks. Now, where are you taking me?"  
  
"I told you," Angel replied, walking over and dropping a light kiss in her nose. "It's a surprise."  
  
"Will you tell me when I point out that you look pretty hot yourself?"  
  
"No." But a small half-smile escaped Angel's lips at Buffy's compliment.  
  
"Damn."  
  
* * * * * * "O'Connor reservation, please," Angel asked the smartly-dressed waiter as the couple entered an intimate restaurant with deep red walls; ornate golden trees that shone with life despite the absence of leaves spread across these walls and up over the ceiling at well-spaced intervals. Buffy glanced around in awe.  
  
"How on Earth did you afford this?" she whispered. Angel simply smiled, resting a gentle hand on her back as he guided her in the direction of the table the waiter was now standing by. The waiter held out Buffy's chair for her before Angel had the chance to, but somehow, neither of them minded. In silence, the Italian waiter deposited menus in front of each of them and left the couple to themselves. He returned moments later, as Angel had requested on the phone, with two slender glasses filled with still mineral water that reflected the dim light emitted by the single thin red candle in the centre of the tablecloth. The waiter smiled at the young blonde woman's shock and obvious amazement at the restaurant, before informing the pair that he would return in ten minutes to take their orders.  
  
Buffy blinked at Angel from across the table. "This isn't a date, Angel, this is. beyond that. I'd expect to pay the kind of money you must be paying for this to cover the cost of a car!"  
  
"I have some money stashed away. It's a waste not to use it. Besides, we're celebrating, remember?"  
  
"How could I forget?" At the waiter's return, they both ordered salads for starters and Angel ordered peppered stake with potatoes lyonase, mushrooms and broccoli while Buffy ordered breaded turkey breast in cranberry sauce and stuffed with chestnuts for a main course.  
  
An hour and a half later, the couple left the romantic restaurant hand in hand. Buffy was glowing from the food, and Angel's half smile seemed frozen on his lips. A faint shimmer of moonlight glowed behind the thin veil of wispy clouds as the pair walked slowly down the bustling street. Occasional bemused glances were sent their way, and more than one person was encouraged that true love might actually exist by their quiet closeness, but neither of them noticed. The night was a dream to both of them, and nothing could spoil it. The children in the nearby park laughed and played, and held Angel's attention for only a moment. 


	13. Epilogue

WARNING. This part serves only to lead on to the next story, which is NC-17 as it deals heavily with issues of rape and domestic violence. Do NOT read  
on if you are under 18 or sensitive to these issues.  
  
i Dear Buffy,  
  
I am sorry to put you through this, but the simple fact is that everything Willow has done cannot change the situation. I will not be able to survive your death if I spend another day with you; I was wrong. I'm sorry. You are a wonderful person, and I do not doubt that you will find someone to grow old and have children with. I can never give you all that you deserve, and it is better for both of us this way. Goodbye, my love, forever.  
  
I'll always love you, and will find you if you need my help, but do not try to find me. You won't. I have never been more sorry. Goodbye, beloved,  
  
Angel./i  
  
For the third and final part of the Shattered Souls trilogy, look for 'Love' by Lucy at http:destined.to/enchantingplace. 


End file.
